Confidence...thats it?

Confidence....what a funny word. I walked out to his pen this afternoon to see what he was going to allow me to do today. In the back of my mind confused because I didn't understand why it was taking so long for Spade to allow me into his space. I have never had a horse be this difficult. The first two hours were about the same as the last few days. More approach and retreat (which both of us were tired of). I even tried to lure him in my offering treats to see if I could win him over. I did get him to eat a few treats out of a bucket, but nothing more then that. 
As the sun beat down on us I chose to go in and rest for a bit. I was determined to figure out the purpose of his hesitation. I have to say that I was a little perturbed and I didn't want to do this again tomorrow. After discussing my training tactics with my mother, we came to agreement that I needed to turn up the heat. I realized that I was only able to touch him because he was tolerating me, not because his mind was different. Spade was still thinking like a prey animal instead of using the other half of his brain and trying to understand me. I knew I had just annoyed him for the last few days. I wanted to change my direction of training. But what to do?? I defiantly didn't want to do anything that would erase all the hard work we already had put in. I already felt like I had lost a week and really didn't want to loose another one by changing my plan. So I pick up my phone and reread a post from a trainer friend of mine. In the post she described exactly what she did the first day with her mustang. I read it carefully, soaking in every detail. I now had an idea. Maybe I am moving to slow?? In my mind a horse that is scared and flighty and has a lack of confidence, you would want to take slow. But I can honestly say I have never seen two horses take this long to get aquatinted. They take all of ten minutes. I obviously wasn't making myself clear to Spade.  
Going back into the pen, I grabbed my lounge whip and came in bold and overbearing. I walked straight up to him, looking him in the eye making my presents known. Of course this scared him to death and he took off. I pushed him around the pen a few times step back and said WHOA! He slid to a stop and looked at me with pricked ears... we were no longer dancing.  I then walked right up to him again this time he was different. He stood still. Not in a frozen state like every time before but just stood like a regular horse. As I came to him I stretched out my whip and started scratching him across the back. Since he was relaxed I continued to scratch him all over. I even scratched his head and behind the ears. I then reached out my hand and this time he actually sniffed it. I was like he said, "Who are you and where did you come from...if you are going to order me around I need to know who you are." This was the first time he had given me any respect at all. Apparently I had communicated properly to him because the next time I sent him around the round pen he threw his hip in like he wanted to kick.  I aggressively drove him harder to show my dominance. Although, I was thrilled to see that I had sparked a pecking war. This meant that he was testing my leadership and the sweat pouring down his shoulders proved to him that I was in full control. For the rest of the day I could touch him just about anywhere. I was shocked at how that small ten minute encounter flipped his switch and I could do more after that then I had done in a week. And it all happened because of confidence. 
Confidence by definition means "full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliabilityof a person or thing". BUT it also means "belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities". Spade needed confidence in me and I needed confidence in myself and who God has called me to be. Since the beginning of this journey I have had a mild lack of confidence in myself as a trainer. I wasn't sure what to expect. Do to that I wasn't confident in the pen with Spade. And he knew it. Thankfully he is a gentleman and didn't take advantage. Every person has a purpose and a call on their life and if we ask, God will give us the confidence that we need in ourselves and in Him to achieve the tasks that we are suppose to do. I know that God has called me to train horses along with other things and he is going to use those skills to reach others. That being said there is no reason that I should have doubted myself in the round pen with Spade, because if God has called me to do it He will also equip me with the knowledge and resources to be successful.  Many people rely on self-confidence, but I challenge you to rely on God-confidence.  God-confidence is understanding that we are weak within ourselves, but He gives us the knowledge and the strength that we need. And in turn all the glory and honor is given where it is due.