Don't quit!

Ggggrrr! I am so frustrated! I very well could be impatience. When I woke up this morning I heard the pounding rain outside. I wanted to cry. The deadline of this competition is really getting to me. Since coming home from our vacation I have been to the point of tears every time I think about working Spade. I expected to be able to start working him twice a day and I really wanted to get on him soon. To do that I have to have good weather and a dry pen. These days I don't have either. So I see my days slipping by and wondering what I could teach him while the pen is a wreak. But to work him else where I need him normal again. He is way to jumpy to take out. And to get him back to his old self I need a dry pen. Are you seeing the vicious cycle?? This makes me feel stuck. And the rain seems to be here for a little while.
So to his current status...Today he was much better but he is really nervous. Yesterday spooked me some because I didn't expect him to start kicking at everything again. I was pretty confident before I left on the trip that he had given up his kicking ways. Not so much. So today I caught him the same way I always do he was really unsure but he allowed me to get the halter on him. I walked him through the 4 inches of mud and water to the small area on the back side of the round pen that was some what dry. I have it in my plans to put a few loads of sand in the round pen. When we built it I had no clue that it was sitting on clay and that it would be so slick when wet. I am hoping that the sand will help me on wet days. A little squish doesn't bother me but Spade and I both look like we are young children on ice skates out there. To keep him safe and injury free I started from the very beginning by rubbing him with my training stick. He was fine other than he had his ears pinned on the original sensitive areas that he started out with. The girth area and the back legs were both really touchy. You could see in his face that he wanted to react with a  flight response but would start thinking and did what he was suppose to. I was glad to see that but he felt really unpredictable and that had me a little worried. In fact it still has me a little worried LOL. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and he would be completely confidant and quite, so I could saddle him up and start teaching him things. Well a girl could hope. They good thing about today, I did get him to comfortably go through water without fussing to much. He isn't a big fan of water. I also was able to work on the girth issue. Remember when I pick the girth up to put it on the saddle he spooks? I put the surcingle on and he jumped when the girth fell by his legs. It reminded me of that little problem that we had so I went to the other side by the girth and worked on picking the girth up and down. He bounced around a little but eventually got over it. The nice thing was the surcingle isn't heavy like the saddle so it sticks with him when he wiggles. I will work on that again tomorrow. I think I might take him out tomorrow and see if I can't do some work in the arena. It will give me more options and he really seems to like it.
I know I was really honest tonight but it is tough knowing that I have a really difficult horse and I feel way behind. There are many of the trainers that are having a tough time. Then there is the trainers that are riding theirs bridle less and getting their freestyle routine together. It is tough, being a competitive person, to see people that far ahead of you, but this isn't about the competition it is about the horse. Many seasoned mustang trainers have told me that they have all had tough ones like Spade. I just wasn't lucky enough to get a horse to help me. I got one that was going to teach me the hard way. Either way I don't care who you are or how long you have ridden horses, everyone has to deal with the emotions of teaching or competing on horses. Even the professionals have those horses that get them stumped from time to time and it is a little frustrating. What counts is when you don't give up and in the end you have a nice horse. Quitting has gone through my mind more then once this week, but it just isn't who I am. The bible say a righteous man falls seven times but gets back up (Prov. 24:16).  Charmaine James has a quote, Glory is only worth a thousand hand prints in the dirt. If that is the truth then I would say that I haven't paid my dues yet. I knew in the beginning that this wouldn't be easy but I wasn't ready for the emotional roller coaster that this would be. So if I have to work harder or even get help from others I am going to get this done. I hope to learn even more about myself and horses in the next two months. And I pray that I am far enough along to finish strong.